


I don't deserve you

by rather_be



Category: Druck | SKAM (Germany)
Genre: Explicit Sexual Content, First Love, First Time, Fluff, M/M, Romance, Talking, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-24
Updated: 2019-05-17
Packaged: 2020-01-31 08:04:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 7,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18587164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rather_be/pseuds/rather_be
Summary: Matteo and David see each other again after David left two weeks ago.--------Both are 18 years old. Explicit sexual content in chapter 4+6+9.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> English isn't my first language obviously. Not beta read.

Matteo had actually enjoyed the sun and spending his afternoon outside with his friends. Now it was getting dark. He realized that the time had passed fast, and he hadn’t eaten properly since the morning. He hurried. In his rush he almost hit the wall with the door knob when he swung into the flat. Although he was thinking of food, he instantly noticed the open living room door and two people talking. One voice was Hans. Curiously he stepped towards them.

Matteo paused in the door frame. David. For a moment he didn’t know what to do or think. He just stood there, staring.

"Hey..." David slowly got up from the couch. Hesitating and shyly he took a step forward.

Matteo closed his mouth. He had imagined meeting him again and again, but that was nothing compared to the way David was standing in front of him now.

"Hi", he answered softly.

Hans watched them with some interest. "Well, I leave you to it…" He petted Matteo's shoulder and gave David a short nod. Both boys watched him leave.

For a moment Matteo wished he didn't. Being alone with David scared him after the last days. He wasn't sure if he could bear any more pain. What should he say? He wanted to tell him everything – how he felt - but that would probably chase David away again.

David must have noticed his hesitation and worry. “I am sorry to bother you… I didn’t know where else I could go.”

The distress on Matteo’s face immediately turned into concern for him. David almost torn up. He had hurt the kindest and most brilliant boy he knew and now he was doing it again. His eyes felt wet and he turned away, looking out of the window for a moment.

“Did something happen?”, Matteo asked quietly. He hadn’t moved. He could see that David was struggling. Still he wanted to know why he was here but even more he wanted to ask why he had left him alone. He bit his lip. He was so scared that any wrong word would push David out of the door. Out of his life.

David still didn’t answer.

“I was going to make a sandwich. You want some?”, Matteo tried to sound light-hearted. David just nodded and followed him to the kitchen. They prepared and ate their sandwich in silence. Everything felt completely different compared to the last time they were here.

“I had to leave our place.”, David finally offered some explanation while he studied the table closely. Not looking up at Matteo, he continued, “My mother had found us and I really can’t deal with her bullshit.”

Matteo nodded understandingly. “It’s fine. You can stay in my room and I take the living room couch. The others won’t mind.”

David stared at him, tears dropping from his eyes. He didn’t deserve this. He rubbed his cheeks with his sleeve.

“I was so shitty and still you’d do that for me.”

“I care about you.”

“That makes it worse, doesn’t it? I don’t deserve this.” David looked away. Tense and guilty.

“Do you like me?” Matteo’s voice hardly let him say the last words.

“Of course!” David gave him a shocked look. A little quieter he added, “I like you more than I’d ever imagine.”

Matteo’s heart was beating louder with every word. He wondered if David could hear it. For a moment both boys just looked each other in the eyes. Their cheeks were flushed.

“That’s why I got so scared. I don’t want to lose you.”

“You won’t.” Matteo sounded so firm and faithful, David wanted to believe him. David opened his mouth twice but couldn’t bring out what he wanted to say. The third time he finally said, “You don’t know everything about me.”

“Tell me.”, Matteo replied without pressure behind those words.

David took a deep breath. “I am pretty tired.. Can we talk in the morning?”

“Sure”, Matteo hid his disappointment by getting up and putting their plates in the sink.

He led David to his room and handed him clean bed sheets. He paused in the door before leaving.

“Sleep well.”

“You too.”

Matteo was laying on the couch, rolling from one side to the other. Their words played in his head on repeat. He analysed every word that was spoken and those that weren’t. It was pointless. He felt confused and anxious with a little spark of hope, but he needed to stop thinking if he wanted to get any sleep. The first reason he got up was to get glass of water. The second was to go to the toilet and the third time he just stood in front of his own door. Listening for any noise David could make. He almost grabbed the knob and entered but he paused his hand in mid-air. He turned away and laid down again. It took another hour before he fell asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

Matteo woke up late. _Thank god it’s Saturday._ He rubbed his eye, wondering why his room looked so strange. He jumped up when he remembered last night. Quickly breathing he tiptoed to his room. To his surprise he found his door slightly open. He pushed it slowly and immediately noticed that his bed and the rest of the room was empty. His heart dropped. Literally. He was frozen. He stared at the crumbled bed sheets. He couldn’t believe that David did it again. He had been such an idiot to trust him. He clenched his fists. His nails painfully digging into his palms.

 A small, kind voice in his head told him to check the bathroom and kitchen. There is probably an explanation for David’s behaviour.

Desperate and close to tears he found himself alone in the kitchen after checking the bathroom though. The thoughts in his head were racing. He was torn between anger and crushing sadness. He wanted to destroy something so bad. His blood was boiling and he looked around for a suitable object. The sound of a key opening the front door startled him. His first impulse was to hide in his room, but he wouldn’t be able to get there unseen.

He couldn’t believe that David was standing in the door frame a second later. He was holding up a bag from the bakery around the corner.

“Breakfast?” he asked slowly. He could sense that something was off with Matteo, but had no idea what. He put off his jacket and started to set the table like he had done that a hundred times before.

Matteo calmed down eventually. He started to help. Got out the butter, cheese and ketchup and placed it on the table. He was eyeing David the whole time like the boy could just disappear again. They sat down with their plates and still warm rolls. _This is nice._

“I guess this is my attempt to say thank you for last night.”

“Any time. Really”, Matteo looked up at his friend. David sighed and put down his food. Obviously, this whole situation was laying heavily on his shoulders.

“Do you remember how I told you that was hiding because I killed someone…"

Matteo wasn’t sure if he was supposed to answer that. Nervously, he pushed his hair out of his face. His biggest fear was that David had been right and he wouldn’t like what he was about to hear. He nodded anyway, waiting for David to continue.

“Well, it is true. At least in the eyes of my mother”, David stopped. He scanned Matteo’s face for a moment before his eyes wandered over the wall and table to the bread crumbs on his plate.

“She literally said, I killed her daughter which isn’t correct at all. I… People thought I am a girl when I was born, but I am not. Never was. So I changed my name and appearance.” David shrugged as if that had been very simple. God knows, it wasn’t. Not for him.

He didn’t dare to look at Matteo, although he wanted nothing more.

Matteo blinked surprised. His mind blank and at the same time filled with every information he had ever heard about people, who went through something like that.

He chose his words very carefully, “I am sorry you felt like you couldn’t tell me.”

David’s eyes shot up to his. Surprised? Fearful? He definitely still looked hesitating and on guard. Slowly, Matteo put his hand over David’s.

“I really like you. And I want to know everything about you. Really. I mean, the stuff you want to share at least. I totally respect your privacy. I mean, I guess there are things I wouldn’twanttotellanyone. And..”, he stopped. His nervous and excited blathering wasn’t helpful. He rubbed the back of David’s hand. Reassuring. Patiently. There was a warmth spreading from the spot where their skin met. He felt dizzy.

David was so relieved. It shocked him how sweet Matteo was. Again. With soft knees he stood up, made a hasty step towards Matteo and hugged him tight. He pressed the other boy against him as close as he could.

Matteo escaped a weird, little laughter. Only now he fully understood that he had the chance to have David back in his life. A real chance to know him and to be with him. He wrapped his arms as tight as possible around David. _Forever seems like a good word_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to chat with me about Druck *___* i am obsessed


	3. Chapter 3

“Can I use your charger? I want to check on Laura and hear if everything is okay... “ David hold up his phone. They had just finished their breakfast and tiding up the kitchen.

"Sure." 

David plugged in his phone next to Matteo's couch. Sat down and waited for the boot process to be over. Matteo was watching him openly. Wondering if he could do anything to help. The midday sun coloured David's hair brown, making it look soft and fluffy. He smiled. He wondered in what moment exactly he had fallen in love. Maybe when they first kissed. Maybe after their first talk. Maybe when he saw him for the very first time.

"OK", David finally looked up from his phone after typing a long message. "She left and Laura is pretty sure she won't come back soon."

"Good?", Matteo tried to show sympathy. After David didn't reply he added, "What are you doing today?" 

"No idea", David shrugged. 

“Stay, if you want?”

“Sure.” He got up and walked over to Mateo and laid down on his bed.

That’s where they spent their whole afternoon. Talking, listening to music, napping. Both had been on an emotional roller coaster the last days and were exhausted. It was nice just to relax. Being together without any expectations. Matteo was laying on his side, facing David. Studying his face like all the other times they had been close.

“You are the best looking guy I have ever met.”

David snorts. “Do you just say that because you think I am insecure about my appearance?”

“Of course not. That’s what I actually thought when I first saw you. Are you? Insecure I mean.”

“Hmm. Not so much. Not anymore.” David gave him such a sweet smile that Matteo felt the urge to hide his face between his pillows.

They rested for a while in silence. Matteo almost fell asleep. The soothing movement of David’s chest against his back made him drift off. The shadows from the tree outside the window wandered over the wall. His pillows smelled like David or David’s scent was the only one he focused on.

“Would you want... Would you have me as your boyfriend?”, David whispered against Matteo’s ear. Suddenly. Heavily.

Matteo was completely awake at once. He blinked. Tried to turn around to face David but he was holding him so strong in his arms. He gasped. 

“Yes.”

Finally, David let him go and they looked at each other. Matteo gave him the happiest smile ever. They both felt their heart jump in union. For a long moment the world was perfect. Their lips met again and again. It was dark outside when they stopped.

“I have to go. Laura shouldn’t be alone this night again.”

“See you soon?” Matteo sounded almost fearful.

“Tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow”

David gave him a quick kiss and got up before he could change his mind. He paused in the door though. 

"Please don't tell anyone." 

"Yeah. I mean, of course not. " 

Matteo watched the door being closed. He let his head fall back on the pillow. Had David meant their relationship too? It was too late to ask. His friends kinda knew about that already, hopefully David wouldn’t mind.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sexual content.  
> Naturally, this is all influenced by my own experience as a gay man who happens to be trans.

The last two weeks had been heaven. Matteo could hug the whole world. He had never felt so good. He wanted to take every stranger's hand on the streets and dance with them. Being in love was like a spell. One that granted you strength, joy and hope. 

 They spent every possible minute together. Still there were many things he didn't know about David yet. His favorite animal. His last vacation. His favorite chocolate. Matteo was determined to find everything out. The times they didn't talk they were probably hugging or kissing. 

Matteo felt the blood pulse between his legs every time David’s tongue explored his mouth. In the nights they were apart he touched himself thinking about him. He wondered if David felt the same way. To ask him that still seemed too intimate. They had't talked about sex so far and he was unsure how to start. Luckily, he didn't have to. 

“Have you had sex?” David asked quietly next to him on his couch. Matteo looked at him surprised. He didn’t expect him to bring up sex. Now. He wondered what led David’s thought in that direction.

“No”, he blushed and licked his lips. He needed to know too, “You?”

David shook his head a few times.

“Would you like to? I mean in general…” Matteo wanted to hide his face. Hopefully, David wasn’t thinking he had just offered him sex.

“Yeah, sure. And you?”

“How could I say no. I mean, with the right person.” He stared openly at David. “I have to admit I was thinking about you last night when I touched myself.”

“Oh? I’d love to see that.” David admitted shyly.

Matteo groaned, “You can’t seriously say something that hot at the middle of the day.”

“Why not? Your door is locked. You can show me.” He kissed his boyfriend passionately on the mouth. Matteo moaned. David’s warm lips were amazing and his cheeky tongue made his cock twitch. Slowly, he pushed his hand into his own pants. He grabbed his dick like he had done a hundred times before but with David pressed against his side it was quite different. His kisses aroused him more than any porn he had seen.

It took only a few strokes before he panted, “I am close.”

“Fuck. That’s so hot.” David’s hand wandered under Matteo’s shirt and caressed his chest and belly.

David looked down at Matteo. His eyes were sparkling with lust and he a dirty grin spread over his face, “I want to see you come.”

That was enough to send Matteo over the edge. With a muffled cry he came hard into his own hand. His whole body shook for a second and he felt so warm and wrapped up. He laughed light-headed.

“Wow... that was something new. And fantastic”

David smiled at him.

“You looked pretty sexy.”

"Oh, stop it." 

Matteo grinned - pleased. He got up to clean his hand with a worn t-shirt which was laying on the floor. 

"I should go." 

Matteo turned around in surprise. 

"Ok", his disappointment was hard to overhear.

David was putting on his pullover and grabbed his phone. His movement was a bit tense and hasty. He walked over to Matteo and pulled his boyfriend into a tight embrace. 

"Next time, we take our time." He promised into Matteo's ear, making his heart jump. He kissed him goodbye. 


	5. Chapter 5

::: Hey <3 do you have time tomorrow evening? Wanna join me dog sitting for a friend of Laura? :::

::: Um, sure. Is it a big dog? :::

 

Matteo pressed himself against the wall. "He is bigger than I thought."

"She. Luna. You should have told me that you're afraid of dogs. I wouldn’t mind doing this alone." David hugged the dog to keep her from getting closer to his boy. The dog had beige, short fur and apparently her name was Luna. 

"It's okay... I just keep my distance." He wasn't sure if that was possible though. Luna seemed pretty excited and was quickly jumping around.

David guided the dog away to the living room where her basket was placed. Matteo took a deep breath and looked around. Nice flat did Laura's friend - Matteo was pretty sure he was her date though - have. David had texted him the address earlier that day.

He finally followed to the living room. He sat down on one of the wooden chairs rather than the lower couch. He pulled his feet up and watched David playing with the dog from a safe distance. David was pretending to bite the dog with his fingertips into her side and neck and she was trying to grab his arm with her teeth. Matteo wondered how they could have fun like that. He was still scared that he might get bitten. After a lot of growling and fighting the dog laid down on her blanket. Satisfied and a bit exhausted. She fell asleep immediately. David petted her and gestured Matteo to join him. Hesitantly he got up and sneaked closer. He tried to kneel down next to David without making a sound.

He hold his breath when David slowly guided his hand to pet her head. Her fur was so soft and warm. A harsh contrast to her teeth. He slid his fingers over her neck and back, always watching her closed eyes. He almost chuckled in relief that he was still alive. 

"I am proud of you." David kissed him and for a short moment he wasn't so scary anymore. "Let's watch a movie on the couch?" 

_What did I do to deserve you?_ Matteo wondered not for the first time. After falling unhappily in love with his best friend and trying to drown his feelings with weed and isolation, he had the chance of love and happiness. All thanks to David. If he hadn’t been insistent and just kissed him that first time, he would probably still be laying on his floor. High and fucked up.

"Okay, any suggestions?"

David got his backpack and pulled two DVDs out. "Let the right one in - a movie with a vampire - or Der Himmel über Berlin." 

"Oh, I actually know that one. My mom used to like Bruno Ganz", Matteo sounded a bit sad at the end of his words. 

"He is great... Let's watch the one you haven't seen", he replied cheerfully, trying to distract Matteo from the thoughts of his mom. 

He rested his head on David's shoulder. He liked the movie, nevertheless he was tired and after an hour he closed his eyes and didn't open them until an excited bark ripped him out of his sleep. He was relieved that the dog was running to the front door and not in his direction. They could hear the door being opened and closed and two voices, one happily greeting Luna. Both got up from the couch to join the greeting ritual in the hallway. David made sure he was always between the dog and his boyfriend.

“Hi, I’m Matteo.”

“Dennis.”

They shook hands. A bit stiff. Everyone else had already met earlier that day. There was an awkward pause. Matteo eyed Laura’s date. He seemed sympathic.

“Well, I hope you had a nice evening”, David finally offered.

“Yeah.” Laura and Dennis smiled at each other. “The movie was good.”

 “Cool.” He didn’t know what to say. Of course he felt protective of his sister but it wasn’t his place to decide if Dennis was good enough or not.

“Hey, we gotta go.”

David packed his bag and they left.

In the dark of the back yard Matteo pressed himself against David and whispered in his ear: “Let’s go to my place.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sexual content.

Sunday noon and they were laying on Matteo’s floor. It was a hot day and they enjoyed the cool and hard wooden surface.

David was staring at Matteo’s naked skin. He was wearing shorts and a t-shirt that slipped up and revealed parts of his pale belly and hip.

“I was thinking about you the other night”, David confessed suddenly.

Matteo just grinned. He was glad he wasn’t the only one whose thoughts wandered towards sex more often these days.

“What were you thinking about?”

“You.”

“Oh, come on. I need details. For later.. when I am alone again.”

He winked at David and they both laughed nervously. This was foreign terrain for both of them and the reason they found the courage to talk about it at all was the rising horniness they both felt. Every day they spent kissing and hugging made them more aware of their bodies and sexual needs.

“Uhm, I thought about..”, David turned to face the ceiling, “you and how you touched yourself. And the noises you made. I imagined making you moan like that with my own hands and mouth. Tasting your skin. Touching your warm body everywhere…”

He blushed and stopped talking. 

“Damn, you make me hard”, Matteo admitted. They both stared at each other before they passionately kissed and let their tongues play. He was laying half on top of David, rubbing his crotch against David’s leg like the needy teenager he was. He pulled his shirt over his head. He wanted to feel David’s skin everywhere. He froze. Looked down at David. David just struggled out of his own shirt which wasn’t too easy laying on the floor below someone else. Matteo’s heart bumped faster. He wrapped his arms under David’s shoulder, bringing their bodies together again. The warmth of his skin was too good. He could do this forever, he thought, as they started to kiss again.

He ground his hard dick against his boyfriend’s hip eagerly. A loud moan filled the room when David slid his hand into Matteo’s boxer shorts. Carefully he grabbed Matteo’s dick and stroked it rhythmically. Their mouths pressed together. Out of breath. Grinding against each other desperately. Matteo clasped the other’s shoulders and thrust into David’s hand like an animal.

 His body felt too tight and hot. Sweat was pooling on his forehead. David’s pure fingers around his cock were incredible. He had to look away, overwhelmed with lust. He pressed his face against David’s neck. Eagerly he pushed for and back, encouraging David to stroke him faster. His weak moans sounded almost pathetic. For his own ears at least.

“Shit”, he hissed before he came hard in his boxer.

David just held him close until his brain functioned again more or less. He grinned a bit embarrassed at his boyfriend. He had never imagined it would be like this with another person and he was so happy he was sharing it with David.

“This is the second time you made me come. Let me make you feel good too?” He whispered.

David blushed so hard. His face was quite red. “Kiss me.”

Matteo was happy to oblige. He kissed him until David took his hand and guided it down. Under his briefs. Down between his legs which he spread shyly. Curiously he let his fingers slid up and down. He bit his lip and looked at David’s flushed face. His boyfriend felt wet and so hot. He loved it. Still he had no real idea what he should do. Slowly he circled David’s – he wasn’t sure how David called his private parts, so he avoided to give them any names. He just eagerly rubbed his lover and studied his face to see what he liked.

David's breathe quickened and he closed his eyes in ecstasies. He lifted his hip a bit. Pressing up against Matteo’s hand.

“Please”, he whimpered before he bit his lower lip. Matteo’s movements became faster and more firm.

Watching David come was glorious. First he pressed his legs together and his whole body shook. He let out a broken groan and audibly gasped for air. When his body relaxed again, Matteo let his head drop on his shoulder. He kissed David's neck as he slowly withdraw his hand.

"This was amazing. Seeing you come is better than anything…" 

Satisfied and overwhelmed. They were staring at the ceiling, tangling their fingers. 

“I love you.”

 

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

_I love you_.

These words echoed in David's head. Disbelief, joy and fear rushed through him. The warm and gigantic feeling of joy stayed. He hadn't dreamt to find his happiness here. In Matteo's orbit. In this shy, reserved and kind boy. He felt overwhelmed. It took him a long time to find his voice.

"You make me so happy!" David pulled him in his arms and pressed him against his body with all his strength. It hurt but neither of them cared. 

_I love you_. He wanted to say that too. He couldn't. Just thinking those words made his tongue heavy. His whole body stiffened. Matteo meant the world to him and that scared him. He just hoped Matteo didn't feel rejected.

After David loosened his grip a bit Matteo looked him in the eyes and smiled. "You make me so happy, too."

A loud rumble of Matteo’s stomach pulled them back into reality. They giggled. It was so easy to laugh when everything was good. They got up to make something to eat. Pasta was what they agreed on. Simple and fast. Matteo was stirring the spaghetti while he told David about his earliest childhood memory.

“Hm.. I think one of my earliest memories is standing over the potty to pee. My mother wasn’t very amused although I am not that bad.” David shrugged.

“Pff, parents. My mom used to put me in those overalls all the time. I hated it. It takes so long to get them off. And I. I hated water on my clothes. So every time they got wet in any way and even just a drop, I immediately put them off.”

David finished his last bite and grinned. “Good to know.”

They cleaned the dishes in silence. Something so boring and ordinary got a completely new meaning. It wasn’t just cleaning the dishes anymore, they took care of each other and helped one another.

David looked up at the clock on the kitchen wall.

"I should go. I need to learn for tomorrow. Last exam. Yeay." David didn't sound too enthusiastic though.

"Ok, sure. I'll pick you up afterwards?"

"That would be nice."

Matteo gave him a last kiss before David left.

Back in his room he was grinning like a goof. How could he already miss David? He grabbed his phone and wrote his friends a few messages. He had hardly spent any time with them and he felt a bit guilty. His heart almost stopped when he saw that his mom had sent him a reply. Yesterday night he had sent her a short text, stating that he loved a boy. He had been love drunk and it had seemed like a good idea but he had felt anxious immediately afterwards and had banned any thought of his mother for the last hours.

Shit. He walked up and down in his room. His phone spinning in his hand. He licked his lips and opened the chat.

::: Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. - John 4:8  You are my son and I love you. Let's meet Thursday for dinner? Bring your boyfriend? :::

He was simply stunned. He read the text 3 times before he tossed his phone on his bed and did one awkwardly happy jump in the middle of his room. He threw himself on his bed and wrote immediately a messages to David, asking him if he had time on Thursday.

He felt light, his head was spinning. If someone had told him a few weeks ago that he would have a boyfriend and the support and acceptance of all his friends and mother, he wouldn't have believed it. He wanted to tell the whole world how happy and proud he was. He started with adding a little rainbow flag to his profile picture on Instagram and Facebook.


	8. Chapter 8

“Are you nervous?”

“No. Yes. I mean she obviously seems okay with it. But I have no idea what she will say or I.. And you?”

“Well, I am here for you. You haven't told her, have you?”

“No, of course not. No one.” 

David just nodded. 

They met in front of an Indian restaurant on the upper west side near Zoologischer Garten. A calm little street with trees on both sides.  

She had the same hair colour and red mouth as Matteo. She hugged her son long and close. She seemed honestly happy to see him. Next she gave David her hand but pulled him into a warm, shorter embrace.

"Nice to meet you." David added a bit formal.

They sat down at a small, purple and green painted table. For a moment both boys just smiled politely at the air. Meeting someone after a coming out was just awkward. She watched their faces and the way their body leaned towards each other. After the waitress brought the menu, she said. "Pick what you like, I'll pay." 

"Oh, you really don't have to." Both boys replied almost simultaneously. 

"Nonsense. I am the adult and I pay." 

They didn't protest, although technically they were adults too. 

David didn't say much, he was rather listening to mother and son catching up after a long time apart. He was telling her about the exams and how his friends were doing and his new roommates. She listened to everything patiently, only asking a few questions in between. 

"And how did you two met?" She leaned forward, elbows on the table. Friendly curiosity.

"Oh ehm, David was new at school and we just happened to talk a few times between classes. Well, and the other day we met on the way home and I invited him over and we ended up texting a lot..." Matteo didn't really find the right words and it sounded more like report than a love story. He looked down at the table. Telling his mother how he fell for David completely seemed too intimate.

"Well, I am glad that you met. You seem pretty happy." 

David and Matteo smiled at each other. That was true and in the end what matters most. Wasn’t it. Still he wanted to tell her about David's laugh which revealed his upper incisors. The way he ruffled his hair after putting off his beanie. The drawings he made for him. His longing, dark eyes in the night. He blushed when his thoughts drifted to last night. 

“He is perfect.” David’s word made him blush even harder. He shook his head in embarrassment.  

“Aww, you both are so cute.” She pulled her mobile phone out of her handbag. “May I take a photo?”

Matteo glanced at David who didn’t protest. “Sure.”

Their shoulders touched when they leaned towards each other.

The food had been great and they left full and pleased. She took the time to accompany them to the next underground station.

“That was a nice evening. Thank you.” She smiled at David too.

“No, we have to thank. Thank you for the invitation.” David’s words sounded truthful. He had slightly forgotten how it is to spend time as a family. This was almost too touching. Being welcomed by someone who hardly knew him. Obviously she cared so much about her son that she instantly accepted his boyfriend as well. He swallowed, watching them hug and promise to meet again soon.

They walked down the stairs towards the train. “Everything okay?” Matteo asked because he noticed that David was passive and absent.

“Yes. I’ve just forgotten how it is. Having a family.” He looked away.

Matteo hated when he did that. He wished David didn’t withdraw from him every time something was hurting him.

“Hey..” He grabbed his hand. “You are not alone.”

“I know.” David closed his fingers around Matteo’s.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You are the best. Thank you for every single comment, I appreciate them highly.
> 
> I actually wanted to write more sexual content since there is so little in this fandom... But I am not sure if anyone is interested?


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Explicit sexual content.  
> Note: everyone, cis or trans, has different preferences and needs. Talk with your partner <3  
> I wrote David as someone who doesn't really have bottom dysphoria (just like me because I can write about that without making assumptions about other trans men's experiences).

"Thank you." Saying these words had never been easy. Matteo wasn't sure what made it so hard. Acknowledging that someone made an effort for you? Turning the spotlight on something that made you vulnerable? But he wanted David to know that he didn't take for granted when he put himself in uncomfortable situations for him. Like meeting his mother for the first time. 

"For what?" 

"For being the perfect boyfriend."

"Pfff, I am far from perfect. Besides that would be pretty boring, wouldn't it?" 

"You are. To me. I have never felt so good with someone." 

Instead of helplessly trying to put his thoughts into words, David pulled him close and kissed him. He rested his forehead against his Matteo's. Breathing his air. 

They ended up laying on Matteo's bed, legs entangled. 

“When did you know you are gay?” David asked with a curious glance at their fingers brushing against each other. 

“Hm, I think when my best friend fell in love. With a girl. I felt so hurt and was so confused why, at first. I didn’t want to share him.”

“Oh, that's tough."

“And you?”

“I... I always thought I was the least romantic person on this planet because romantic movies bored me to death… When I was about 13, I read a book in which two boys kissed and I felt butterflies in my chest and stomach. It just felt right. And kinda hot.” He shrugged like this wasn't an important confession. 

“I need to kiss you right now.” Matteo stared at him with big eyes.

David’s cheeks turned red and he leaned forward, pressing his lips intensely against Matteo’s. He felt sexy. Matteo made him feel sexy. Eagerly he pushed his tongue into Matteo’s tempting mouth.

"Do I have to make your clothes wet? So you take them off?" David's voice wasn't more than a whisper.

Matteo blushed harder than all the nights before. They made out a lot these days but he (or David) had never been naked in front of the other and the ceiling light didn't leave many shadows to hide. Now or never. He hesitated to show himself completely. He suddenly felt overly insecure about his body and his dick which had never been the centre of attention like this before. He took his time to pull off his shirt and trousers with a beating heart. Slowly he pulled down his underwear. He closed his eyes before he looked at David's face.

The smile he received was simply beautiful. David looked into his eyes and reached for his hand to bring them close again.

"I want to touch you everywhere." That made Matteo groan and relax a bit despite his hyperawareness of every centimetre of his exposed skin. David let his hands slide over Matteo's smooth hips and back, never letting go of his lips.

Matteo pushed his hands under David's shirt. "You know, it would only be fair if you undressed too. If you want to. I mean! Sorry. I don't want to push…"

"It's fine." David petted Matteo's cheek playfully. He grinned. "Just give me a second."

 _Like a god_. Matteo thought when David stood there in front of him, profoundly naked. This was the first time he saw a trans man without any clothes but that David looked differently in some ways didn't make him less sexy. 

"I have no words." Matteo shyly rubbed his neck. "You look so hot." It sounded a bit lame and he wanted to say so much more but his own insecurity and David's hesitation made him cowardly. 

"Are you okay?" _With the way I am._ David looked at him in concern. 

Matteo nodded. He stood up and took David's face between his hands and tenderly kissed him. For a moment this was the only thing that existed. Their raw kiss filled with all the love and fear a young heart can bear. Their bare feet grounded. Their skin electrified. 

Their chests touched lightly while Matteo's hardening dick brushed against David. Feeling David's naked body against his penis made him moan into their kiss. He pushed forward, desperate for friction. He wrapped his arms around David's shoulders to bring their bodies even closer. David rubbed himself against Matteo. Meeting his pace. They moaned. Holding onto each other like wounded soldiers. 

"I could come like this." Mumbled Matteo. 

 David grabbed Matteo's ass and pressed himself against him. "Do it." 

 _Fuck_. That was so hot. David felt amazing. Every part of him. Matteo thrusted upwards forcefully. Rubbing his cock against David's crotch and lower belly. 

He let out a broken cry when he came on David's warm skin. He could hardly breathe. He clenched his fingers, holding heavily onto his boyfriend. 

He licked his lips and waited for his blood to cool down.

Finally, he took a step back. Messy hair. He pointed at his semen on David's stomach. "Sorry about that." 

David run his fingers over his belly. His fingertips coated with cum. He lazily brought them to his mouth and licked. 

Matteo’s eyes widened. "You are killing me." 

"In a good way?" David grinned. 

"In a you-fuck-me-senseless way." 

"Oh boy... You make my dick pulse." 

They stared at each other breathless. 

Slowly, Matteo kneeled down in front of David. He looked up to him as he started to rub David's dick. He spread his legs. An invitation. Obviously. Matteo slid his tongue over it. Testing. More confident the next time and the next. He took him in his mouth. Carefully, he sucked and brushed his lips over it. Matteo hadn’t been able to imagine how it was to suck a cock but he liked it. He loved to make David moan all needy and loud. He loved the warmth of his body and the tiny twitches of his tense muscles. He enjoyed wrapping his mouth over David's dick completely. The small size did have advantages. 

"Ahh, don't stop now." From the depth of David's voice Matteo knew he was close. He increased the speed of his movements and held David's hip still. 

David grabbed his hair. Apparently not sure if he wanted to press him closer or push him away because the stimulation was overwhelming. He tried to hold still but pulled Matteo’s hair almost painfully when the orgasm hit him like an explosion.

“Fuck.” David’s whole body shook and it took several seconds before he opened his eyes again and let go of Matteo.

“Shit, did I hurt you?” He kneeled down to look at his boyfriend’s face.

Matteo smiled softly. “Nah, I am fine. Never been better.”

He rested his head on David’s shoulder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Almost 1,000 words fluffy smut. What is life!? XD thank you for reading and your kudos and most of all your comments!


	10. Chapter 10

"So, you found the bottle of lube."

"What?!"

Early in the morning David had left to work on his portfolio for the application for several film universities. Now Matteo was standing in the kitchen, facing Hans who was preparing his breakfast.

"Sounded like you two had fun yesterday night." Hans gave him a wicked grin. 

Matteo's face turned red. "You heard us?" He asked in horror. 

"Well, just a few moans." Hans winked at him. "I am so happy for you. You two are such a cute couple."

"I know." Matteo laughed. A lazy attempt to cover his embarresment. Since this was already a deeply awkward situation, Matteo asked something that was bothering for some time now. "How do you know if someone likes being ...a bottom?"

"That is easy. Just ask."

"Okay.. And how do you know if you would like that yourself?" 

"Well, you have fingers and lube. You will figure it out. Toys can be nice too." 

Matteo nodded a quiet thanks and fled to his room. 

He tried to watch a movie but his thoughts circled around David the whole time. God, he already missed him. He looked at the cute drawing David made him the afternoon when he told him he loved him. David probably wasn't aware how much it meant to him. He should make him a present too. Something personal. Something to make him smile. To show him his heart. He sighed. He wasn't good at this. Why did David want to be with him anyway.. He was still amazed that the coolest guy asked him to be his boyfriend.

_I am only happy if I don't have to face reality._ That's how he had felt. Until. Until he met David. Now he wasn't running away. He wanted to see and feel every minute with him. He got up, wandering aimlessly in his room. A gift. It had to be perfect but nothing he could think of was good enough. 

Or maybe there was something.. Something sweet and cheesy perhaps. Matteo smiled. 

 


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am not very happy with this chapter but I had to get it out to have room for the next one which might be the last one.

::: Check your letter box. :::

That was an odd request. Why would Matteo send him something via post? David jogged down the stairs, not in a rush but in anticipation. He turned the key and the little metal door squeaked open. A little quadratic present wrapped in coloured newspaper sat there, waiting for him. He picked it up quickly and held it against his chest as he took two steps at a time upstairs. 

He felt a bit nervous when he stood in his room looking down at whatever Matteo made him. Carefully he tore open the paper. He blinked. It was a blue tile. An old swimming pool tile. Cute and a bit strange. He finally turned it around. Matteo's messy handwriting just said: 15.5., 21:00

That was in two hours. Enough time to get ready.

He stopped his bike. It was nearly dark outside but he recognized Matteo's green one leaning against the fence immediately. He hadn't really thought about visiting this place again but now he was reminded about their first kiss. 

He crawled through the broken window. Dust leaving traces on his clothes. He pulled out his phone to turn on the light but stopped. A candle was lightning the room partly and two meters away was another one burning. He followed the candles. His heart was beating loudly. He paused in front of the door which led to the pool.

The first thing he noticed was the light chains wrapped around the swim lane separators. It looked simply beautiful. He climbed down the ladder and took the time to take everything in. The lights were dancing at eye level height, shining just bright enough to colour the place in a dim but warm yellow and Matteo was sitting on blankets at the deepest part of the pool surrounded by candles. This was so cute. David had no words. Hearing every single step echoing loudly he moved towards Matteo. 

"Na." His boyfriend grinned up at him. 

David just kneeled down and pulled him into his arms. 

"You are insane." He whispered. "This is so beautiful." 

"I am glad you like it." He pushed David a bit away to look him in the eyes. He smiled. They both did. One wider than the other. 

"Want a drink? And some food?" 

"Sure." David sat down next to him, resting his back against the blue wall. 

Matteo handed him a beer and a sandwich cut in an asymmetrical heart shape. David grinned. 

"Is this too much?" Matteo almost bit his finger nails while turning away to get his own sandwich out of his bag. 

"Well, it's pretty cheesy. I love it." He stared at his plastic plate. He looked at Matteo. "No one has ever done something so romantic for me." He gestured at everything. 

_I'll do something romantic for you for the rest of my life._ But Matteo didn't say that out loud. 

"You deserve the world." 

They ate their food and drank more coke than beer. No one needs to be drunk when they are in love. 

Matteo put all their garbage in a plastic bag. "Next time I should pick reusable cutlery and plates." 

"True." David agreed after Matteo had sat down. He rolled so suddenly over onto Matteo's lap that he got startled. David sat on him, looking down while he slowly slid his hands under Matteo's shirt. He kissed him hungrily. 

"I want you." 

Matteo froze and just stared at him. The way David had said that made it clear he meant it in a particular way. 

"Now?" He needed to make sure they were thinking the same. 

"Why not?" David moaned into his ear playfully. 

"Gosh, you drive me crazy." He was already getting hard. He led his fingers wander over David's shoulder, back and ass. He would love to undress him right away. He pulled on David's shirt and together they put it off in a second. Matteo held still suddenly. "I don't have condoms." 

"Me neither." David chuckled. 

What a silly beginner's mistake. For a moment they just sat there, clueless. 

"I'd love to suck you." Matteo bit his lower lip. 

"Fuck, yes." 

 

 


End file.
